Feed It Back In Your Own Words
The fourth key to effective listening is to develop the habit of paraphrasing what
the person has said before you reply. Feed it back in your own words. Say
something like, “Let me be sure I understand what you are saying . . .”
There are two types of listening that are very powerful in building high quality
relationships. The first is called “listening to help.” This is where you merely act
as a sounding board, making no effort to comment or give advice. You encourage
the person to talk and you ask questions that help her to expand her thinking. “Why
do you say that? How do you feel about that? How do you mean?” And so on.
Sometimes, what people need more than anything else is an opportunity to talk out
their problems or situation with another person who merely nods, listens and
accepts, without commenting or giving advice. Many psychotherapists make an
entire career of sitting quietly while the patient talks non-stop for fifty minutes,
then collecting their fee and scheduling the next visit.
The second form of listening is called “reflective listening.” This is where you
continually paraphrase and feed back the person’s thoughts in a new or different
way. For example, the person can be complaining about an argument with his or
her boss. You would reflect this back by saying, “it seems that when your boss
argues with you it really affects your self-esteem.”
In both cases, your skillful use of the practice of listening causes people to like and
respect you more. As a result, they are much more open to your input, advice and
influence. Good listeners are welcome wherever they go.
Taken from : Million Dollar Habits
